WARNING: RANT ABOUT SEXUAL ASSAULT AHEAD.
The Consequence of Loving Colton was an absolute waste of my time. However, it’s good to know just how terrible it is because it led me to write this review.
Do you see that cover? Do you see it? It looks sweet and romantic, doesn’t it? Calm, nice, and nurturing . . .
Ha! It fooled me!
Let me inform you this book committed cover fraud. The book is a joke. Therefore, so should the cover.
The cover should have featured someone climbing a tree, someone falling off a tree, a red ant army, ping pong up somebody's ass, wedding cake in someone's face, and a pool full of beer and weed. Just something. Something ridiculous.
Girl in love with older brother’s best friend ☑
It’s more like an obsession than love.
Girl has a hot guy best friend who is a womanizer ☑
Oh, woooow, I didn’t see that coming.
A ridiculous story that can’t be called anything else but a parody ☑
That explains it. I should have known from the book blurb, but sometimes I don’t bother reading the whole thing when a friend had read said book.
Wildly entertaining ☑
Don’t get into your head that the book is hilarious to me. There are a few silent-Ha-Ha-in-my-head moments. Then WTF moments. Then this-is-not-funny-at-all-but-thanks-for-trying moments. I never laughed out loud once.
Sexual assault ☑
Lie: Only women are sexually assaulted.
Reality alert: Men are sexually assaulted too.
So this is what happened. It's about the main character Milo's best guy friend and it's supposed to be really funny and shit because the book is more like comedy than romance. Anyways, Max went a bachelorette party for a “mission.” The bride’s friends literally attacked him, tore off his clothes, and left scratches all over his arms before he could escape. When he came back to Colton, Jason, and Milo, he suffered a “humorous” breakdown because he was traumatized and upset about his “manhood.” Apparently, tea and biscuits can do that to you. It was supposed to be comedy for what those women did to him. Newsflash: It is sexual assault. And it’s disturbing as fuck that the audience is supposed to laugh at this. If you don’t think men can get sexually assaulted too, then you need to sit down and learn something.
Let me make this clearer for you: If it was the other way around and we replaced Max with a woman then replaced the women with men, the entire female sex would cry “rape” correct? Am I right? Don’t lie to me. If what had happened to Max happened to Milo, as a female, you would have felt violated. But noooo, since Max is a man and he’s scared of these “harmless” women ripping off his clothes and being women at a bachelorette party, it’s okay.
Here’s the direct paragraph from the book: His shirt was half ripped from his body, he had scratches up and down his arms, his eye looked slightly puffy, and lipstick stained his collar. To add insult to injury I could have sworn he was missing a substantial amount of hair on the right side of his head— and he had a limp.
Here’s my revision: Her shirt was half ripped from her body, she had scratches up and down her arms, her eye looked slightly puffy, and she reeked of cologne. To add insult to injury I could have sworn she was missing a substantial amount of hair on the right side of her head— and she had a limp.
Still don’t get the problem?
Original paragraph: “Then they . . .” Max rubbed his arms. “They touched me, ripped my shirt open, said that I was the only one who understood them, that I wasn’t like those other men and then . . .” His eyes found mine. “They kissed me, like seven of them, all bridesmaids. A few were married. I tried to pull away but they have claws masquerading as acrylics nails. They dug into my skin, and the crazy part, when I tried to run— they liked it.”
My revision: “Then they . . .” Mindy rubbed her arms. “They touched me, ripped my shirt open, said that I was the only one who understood them, that I wasn’t like those other women and then . . .” Her eyes found mine. “They kissed me, like seven of them. A few were married. I tried to pull away but they have claws. They dug into my skin, and the crazy part, when I tried to run— they liked it.”
And to make it even worse, there was this paragraph: I opened my mouth to talk but Colton put his hand over my lips and said softly, “Give him a minute. Victims of this type of assault usually need to be the first to speak. It gives them their power back.”
Victims of this type of assault? VICTIMS OF THIS TYPE OF ASSAULT!
Wow, thank you for fucking enlightening me. As someone who has been sexual harassed physically and verbally and knew people who were sexually assaulted, I really didn’t fucking know that.
If you still don’t understand why mocking sexual assault is insensitive and completely wrong to do, then have fun with your mindset. This is why even though time changes, society doesn’t.
Oh, and let's not forget Grandma in this book.
Because of Rachel's book, I made a new shelf. (Once again.) It's called "you made society hang itself" in consideration to an infamous saying that goes something like "hang society."
Because society, you're all fucked.
ARC given via Netgally in exchange for an honest review.